Dear hypothetical gay son,
Right now, you are just an ovule in me and a sperm in daddy
but daddy and I have been talking a lot about you and who you are. While daddy
isn’t too amused to be a father to a gay son, he says he will love you no less
than he would love his straight son but he also thinks if his son is born a
gay, it is because of his karmic action and I get a little hurt he thinks that
way because who you are is not a result because of some bad fusion of
consequences, who you are is a beautiful fusion of your daddy and I. Daddy will get that notion in his head soon
and I hope you will never blame anyone, not even God for who you are because if
you do, trust me love, I will slap the living light out of you.
We are still in the world of hypocritical people who are
just going with the crowd of saying ‘yes’ to same-sex lovers but when they open
their shielded mask at the end of the day they will make you feel vastly
different from everyone. The world in which your very own grandparents might
just walk out a room whenever you are around and your siblings might wish you
were not different because they get
teased for the ‘mistake’ in your
genetic structure. Your friends might not want to share a drink with you
because they think they might get HIV. Yes love, I forgot to add in, they are
not much of an intelligent and open-minded crowd but that is the situation in
the year 2012; gay marriages are not fully legalized. It is not even okay to
say it is partially legalized. The people just don’t get it. I will be
truthful, ever since I have known your daddy and thought I would get married to
him, one of the reasoning I used against him to get me a beautiful ring was
that our future daughter-in-law would get proposed to with the same ring he gave
to me. I am sorry I thought you would marry a lady. I am sorry I thought of all
the times the wife would complain to you about the monster in-law I could be. I
am so excited to meet your boyfriend, I swear I won’t make you look like a fool
and show your naked pictures as a baby to him the first time you bring him home
for dinner. I will do it the second time. I am also very excited to rate men on
the streets with your sister and you over a cup of hot chocolate on a cold
winter afternoon.
I could keep you safe under my mothering wings if I have to
but I don’t want to. I would fight all the ugly people with ugly thoughts and I
would like to fight them all with you, your daddy and siblings. I would bring
war right to the doorstep of all those against you, those who refuses to let
you marry whomever you deem suits you perfectly and if they still don’t accept
you, love, let it be. You don’t owe them a living. I might flip them a finger
but I will let it be, too. If they can’t accept reality then we’re better off
not caring for their existence! Sure, I might not be able to ever hold my own
biological grandchild and I know as a parent, as a friend, and as a person I
will fail you a lot of times but no one taught me how to be a mother to a gay
son, if being just a mother at all to a vulnerable, dependent straight child is not enough. There will
come times as we are discovering you when I might not understand why you rather
play with your sister’s toys or why you would want to go shopping with me
instead of going on a hike with your daddy but my darling son, I will accept
you as you are with little struggles on the way. I hope you will
understand. Actually, the term gay and homosexual doesn’t even matter to me. Hand to heart, you are my
baby whatever way anyone puts it. Your sexual orientation does not matter to me
one bit as much as it should and I will always be fighting for your rights –
whatever they might be; your right to have ice creams when you are sick, your
right to go clubbing, your right to fall headless in love, your right to have
an untidy room once in a while and your right to marry the man of your dreams. I
can imagine you and your future husband in well-cut tuxedos getting married
before a group of our family and friends. I see the gleaming smiles on
everybody’s faces and I see the two of you so delighted in finding each other
as you promise each other an eternity of love, truth and happiness and if you
and your partner decide to have children through a surrogate mother or through
adoption or all those fancy science things that your time might bring, your
children could possibly take some time adjusting to the ‘normality’ the society has created but it will turn out fine in the
end, we will make it a point and this, I
promise you.
I don’t care for what the rest of the world thinks of you
and you shouldn’t too. While there are people who will love you for who you are
and acknowledge your unique identity, there are bound to be people sneering at
you if you hold another man’s hand. People will call you hurtful things, people
will bully you and steal your lunch to give it to the dogs because they won’t
dare to eat it themselves and they might lock you up in the toilet after
school. People will still be giving you and your boyfriend odd looks when you
decide to kiss him while waiting for the red light to turn green because he
said something sweet. Or when you go furniture shopping for the house you both
are sharing mortgage for. There is a piercing pain in my heart just imaging and
writing about the things you might and will be put under and I want to rescue
you, I kind of want you to be ’straight’ now if only for my weakness to see you not
suffer but love, don’t give them a
reason to bring you down, please don’t, it will just break my heart to witness
how pathetic a man we have bought up to get affected by the judgmental eyes of
those that doesn’t matter. It will most definitely not be easy to be gay even
in the time you will enter into, I am afraid, even with the increasing throngs
of people getting more supportive of the rainbow community every day, but Daddy
and I will teach you to be a brave man, a man who will be his own man. All we
want is for the best for you and for you to lead a normal life as your
siblings, classmates and friends. Remember love, we are always here for you if
you need a little cheer-me-up or a time-out when all you want to do is bake
cupcakes and eat them and you can go to the gym with daddy after that sinful
session.
Hugs, mummy x
Note: As published in the September'12 issue of Living magazine.
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