Thursday, December 20, 2012

Sick and dirty

For weeks, I have been just getting sicker by the day that chances of me dying before the apparent doomsday is seemingly higher. But still, I have been teetering towards death being as dutiful as ever because that is just how I am. I find it ridiculously hard to just break apart from the life I lead to just be a lazy sick slob. Story of my pathetic life. With fever threatening to burn my hair and a cough that just don't bugger off, is the reason for sleepless nights. I slept just an hour probably last night. Life of a, well, me! And swallowing slimey worm-like medicine is the most unceremonious time of my day but there is something about that medicine I cannot seem to get enough of because it is like methamphetamine; it makes me high and really pumped up and then, out of utter exhaustion when I finally realise it, I fall asleep like a baby, a happy baby. Unlike last night, last night was all kinds of bitterness.

Today, I am groggy as hell but hey, Christmas is five days away and I know I have been a really good girl so I need my Christmas list up (not that I see anyone presenting me anything) but, I have been thinking and thinking but like every other year, being a good girl will have me no presents at all because I have completely no clue what I could possibly want. On second thought, yes, I would like a ticket to go to Space on that Russian Spacecraft next year and I would like airplane tickets to visit my friends and family all over the world. Mostly, I want to go to India and just mediate because I think I really need that, besides a new iPod because the one I currently have, its battery runs flat within two hours and what good is an iPod if it doesn't last me the entire day and I constantly have to check to see if the red warming battery button sign is on. It is just not cool, having to worry if skipping one song will reduce the remaining battery life and so on. I used to love my iPod, now its just a reminding alarming fear that good things always come to an end.

As does bad, I need to remember, bad things come to an end too. Life is a vicious cycle, no one is on a constant track. There is no plateau. There is ups and downs, a lot of downs and a few ups and a few plateau but hard times moves to good times and good times will collapse to hard times again. So when good times roll in, don't be a queen or a king and just sit on your throne and enjoy your dried fruits, get out and do something because the throne turns into a fucking monster as soon as you get too comfortable. And that is 12 minutes worth of prep talk for you and especially for me. I need to just sober up and be more better at becoming the person I truly am. Everyday, I am just becoming unbecoming and it is really not glamorous, to be honest. I haven't washed my hair for three days straight, that is how disgustingly unbecoming I am but when you are too gunk up with blocked nose, the hair doesn't really seem to stink and besides, my body smells a lot like Axe Oil and Vicks, which in my opinion is parts of heaven. Okay, now just forget the part of me not having showered for three days, its frigging winter and I am just human. I am allowed to make mistakes, be imperfect, be lazy and be crazy.


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