Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Belated New Year thoughts (bunches of it)

I obviously haven't been taking my vitamins seriously or paid enough attention during Biology classes. My immune system has taken such a downpour, it is never sunny anymore. One trip outside of my home area and I can be assured of falling sick. I detest going out these days, even with mask on and all protective measures, I still crumble down to all the pollution and winter chill. I am just keeping my fingers crossed this is just a phase I am passing through and not something that happens to you as you get older. I surely hope it is because I thought I was well before I was actually well enough but hey, I am learning my lesson. My terrible coughing has subsided by a lot, it is no longer a struggle to breathe and I don't want to slice open my throat anymore to insert my fingers to give the walls a good scratch and my nose isn't about to fall apart from wiping mucus every five seconds. I swear at one point, I was just dripping brain juice from my nostril and it was a mucus water fall, not pretty at all. But, I am still not fully recovered and I am just going to stay in bed all day long or out in the sun. At this point when my health just deteriorated in a way I had never experienced, the last thing on my mind is to please anyone. I have had enough of it. Needless to say, I didn't have a good time celebrating New Year or me turning a year old.

I had many plans for the blog - creating a new series, posting up pictures and getting a little more involving but throwing up my guts and then just crawling into bed sounded more ideal and so that is all I did. Nine days now and counting. One thing is for sure, everyone just thinks I am pregnant. We are not expecting a junior! There are two dead weights to a marriage; either pregnant or cheating. Apparently, I am not allowed to look at handsome men and gush about them. Look, my wedding ring might sparkle a lot but it is not sparkling enough to blind me. I have every right to look at guys across the table and enjoy my breakfast set more, just like gentleman has every right to talk about his ridiculously sexy suicide girls and FHM calendar girls. It is hard to get into a lot of people's head that eyes are to enjoy all and heart is an organ just for one.

So in these nine lazy days, I have been planning a lot. Planning for the future, planning for life, planning for the blog, planning on ways to earn a little more...basically planning for everything that eventually ends with comfort. And with planning, it comes with a lot of dreaming and really exciting dreams, all while on drowsy pills; it is just about the best thing pharmacist has created for us humans in the most legal form. We are never ever satisfied with the life we have, are we? It just sad but then again, I think it is just good that we are never satisfied with life so we can get better in life. I guess it is just about knowing when to stop obsessing about everything a little too much and that is the hardest and I am just so obsessive with everything happening my way. Yes, planning and dreaming is a dangerous game, it is frightening when nothing comes to factual happenings. So in these nine lazy days, I have also been going through a tumultuous time with my emotions, too.

Alas, a new year, a new thing. I am ready to leave Nepal, this is something I haven't been able to admit for a few months now and yesterday while I was up on the roof, I watched about five planes disappear over the hills and I wondered to myself when my time to go home will come. Australia is home now. It was no longer about the pains of hearing gentleman whine about his food at every single meal, bad Internet connections and keeping my life on hold, it was more of a feeling of wanting to belonging somewhere. For seven months, I was just dreadful of forgetting the culture I am in love with and neglecting my country and giving what little talents and capabilities I have, to another country but in all those times, I couldn't belong to the working industry in Nepal and neither could I truly belong here. I was just cheating everyone. Now, I am ready to start the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I am ready to fall down seven times and get up on the eighth. I am ready to be all scared to move an inch forward but move anyway. I am just ready for Australia where heat wave catches 42 degrees and forest fires are just about the most happening thing that could happen in Melbourne. I am ready for the beaches, I am ready for white friends and I am ready for the poisonous spiders. I am ready for the weird accent, I am ready to be 'that Asian' again and I am ready for the culture. Just eleven days ago, I was offered a job position, an amazing job I would have not thought twice of giving up on but in these nine days of lazy and tumultuous, I took it as a compliment and didn't look back. After seven months of denying, I am waiting impatiently.


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