Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Dear baby at 15 weeks

Oh, how time passes by so quickly! I am sorry I have been procrastinating blog posts. But creating you has been extremely exhausting for me, and with school and dreadful winters, it wasn't helping at all. And now Spring is here, the exhaustion part of the pregnancy seems to be slowly leaving me and I feel way better than I did. I also no longer have an aversion to vegetables, which is a yay for us but nah for Daddy because I feed him complete vegetarian meals somedays and he goes, "Where's my meat!"

I have been meaning to tell you we saw you around at 13 weeks and two days. My lord are you going to be one little stubborn girl. Yes, you are probably a girl! We kind of saw your wee-wee but then again, the ultrasound lady (I bet there is a proper term for their profession but excuse you knuckle-head Mummy) kept saying, at this gestational age, it is still very common for all babies to look like girl. You must be wondering, why stubborn? One day when you are old enough, we will show your videos of you in my tummy and you will have a great laugh. I am pretty sure your Daddy has plans to show them at your wedding day. You simply refused to move or flip around, no matter how much you were nudged at that your Daddy got pissed about because he hated the ultrasound lady disturbing you (and he thinks hurts you as well). I was told to cough a few times but nope, you refused it. You knew how you wanted to be and you were exactly what you wanted to do. Atta girl! I love that about you already. And when finally you decided, okay, just be nice for a while…and you flipped, perfect! But yes, yes if you are absolutely our baby girl. Even at a wee bit size that you were (I can't remember how many CM exactly, maybe a eight or a 10), you are already showing characteristics very classic of both Daddy and I. You gave us a good laugh - and a lot of aw. Darling baby, we love you so much already…can you imagine how much more we will love you when you are finally in our arms? Which we can't wait for!

Your Daddy dearest is on cloud nine. He loves massaging you, touching you and calling you a naughty baby or cheeky baby when you put me in a roller coaster ride. He comes home each night, rubs you and asks if his baby has been naughty. Yes, his baby. While I feel it is unfair to start calling you naughty so soon, I can't help but find it  absolutely adoring. Your Daddy's love for you is such a contentment for me. The way he loves you, I wonder if I will ever match up to it and the way he loves you, makes me love you just the same and makes you even more real to me than ever. It is very easy to forget I am pregnant mind you.

My belly size, well, it is starting to show but it generally looks like a pile of fats to the rest of the people. We are hitting four months in a couple of days and we are still not looking pregnant. Maybe by five months, more people will finally understand why I am constantly eating and looking so fat and round around my tummy, and why I am extremely tired all the time and have a lot of difficulties just being active enough to study like the rest of my classmates. Today, the entire day, it feels like my womb has been stretched in all parts of corner at intervals. You must be making Mummy's womb your favourite playground. Just enjoy yourself in there little hub, and be careful around the umbilical cord…just be careful darling.

And yes, it is surprise you are a girl. So much that if you turn out a boy in the end, I wouldn't be at all surprised! But sex doesn't really matter to us. Your Daddy hates when I wish you were a boy instead for several reasons. But really, I don't mind whatever you are. I just need one goddamn thing from you tiny little thing and that is, for you to be the healthiest cherub in the world. Promise me that.

With love,

Baby effects: We see you!

Dear bub,

On Friday, we saw you for the first time. Your Daddy is still so amazed we have you. The flicker of your heartbeat on the screen is still something your Daddy fondly thinks of daily, I am sure. I have read stories of people tearing up and getting all emotional, but sorry, I don't have any fancy stories to tell you, except that your Daddy was pretty much blown away and I thought I knew how you looked but turned out, I had made your butt your head and your head, a butt. Haha! I can only imagine how you will come out. 

Your Daddy is absolutely excited to see you and meet you. He can't seem to stop thinking about how you would look like, how his first child will look like. One night, he was just talking normally and then suddenly he remembered you and he went all emotional and he started thanking me for carrying his child and being the mother of his baby. That bought tears to my eyes and the biggest smile on my face. And kissing me. 

But something is also happening here, I don't really enjoy it when your Daddy kisses me nowadays. I go all squirmish, and offer him my chin or side cheeks for him to kiss and that too with a lot of muscle spasms and distant and he gets offended. Today he slapped my butt when I turned my face upside down when he kissed me before he left for work, saying, "That's just the smell of Colgate," as he had just brushed his teeth. 

At almost 9 weeks, you are doing weird things to mummy. I am starving but things feel so weird around my mouth that I don't even want to open it, needless to say, putting food inside seems like a forbidden idea. My tongue feels heavy and it's all sort of different taste - starving but a serious lack of appetite. I am sorry if you are not getting the right nutrients while I decide what might sound edible.

Pregnancy is such a weird thing. My body and its needs changes every few weeks, just when I get used to it. For the last few weeks, I battled with constant hunger issues to the point of annoyance. I would eat a good meal and than 20 minutes later, my stomach feels absolutely empty. I gained almost three kilograms from all those eating all around the clock. And now, I don't feel bloated and yucky, and I am pretty sure the three kilograms I had put on, is already lost along the way. Now, I am again learning the new effects of 8 weeks pregnancy. It's hunger but zero appetite, even when I try to think of the yummiest food on earth.

Yesterday, I had a long day in school and came home and huffed down some delicious lasagna I had made the day earlier with some leftover chicken and I slept after it was digested and woke up pretty late. I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat and it was getting annoying. I was hungry and starting to feel really nauseated and then your Daddy came from work and rescued the day. I wanted egg fried rice like how my mother makes it. Simple and so delicious. But your Daddy, in attempt to make a more filling and healthy very late dinner for me, bugged me with "Do you want carrots in it? Vegetables? Frozen ones? Fishballs?" At one point, I snapped and muttered, "Just egg, rice and soy sauce." I heard him going, "What a bitch!" Ha! 

I knew it wouldn't be good, something would have gone drastically wrong but my oh my, it was as if my mother has made it for me. I ate the whole damn plateful which left even your Daddy surprised with a can of sprite in ice ( really couldn't help it). I don't know how he did it, because I have tried many times to do the same but I always end up with shitty taste. I was so very thankful. 

So I have been very extremely tired these days, wanting to always lay in bed and do nothing, I can't even fall asleep. Been having serious cravings for all the food I could find in Nepal - the street food, momo and chowmein (together), thakali khanna with fermented radish pickle, mom's food, sel roti and Alu, a lot of starchy food like potatoes and turnips which I never used to like, chatpateh, Korean food, pizza from Fire and Ice, more thakali food, even dhedo and sisno, (dhedo is something I never enjoyed), and sukuti ko jhol with timur ko achar (just the jhol cos I don't like the tough meat), and pure milk tea, fried wai wai noodles, chowmein drowned in ketchup and momo ko achar, Cafe Soma's Rosemary Burger and wedge fries and their thick milkshake...every goddamn Nepali food I can think of, I want it! I really hope sometime in this pregnancy, I can get back home to just eat the good food but I don't see it happening with school and everything :( 

But I try to recreate the dishes here and let's say, we are having a ball testing out culinary skills. Also, I can't wait for you to come out, just so the multi-vitamin pills I take for you can take a detour. I dread each part of the night when I have to take those huge pills. I usually down it with some juice or ice green tea or something sweet but some days, it just threatens to come back up and leaves an awful after taste. But baby oh baby, I am so glad I am the few lucky ones who didn't suffer from any morning sickness and for that, cheers baby.

With love,